Dangerous Liaisons
by MinttBerrryCrunchhh
Summary: A Different take on the origin of Harley Quinn and her Clown Prince of Crime. Nolanverse.
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi! Okay…I Have never done this before…and I originally was never going to do this, but I have found no other story that is like the one that I have imagined! SO I have decided that if you want something done right, do it yourself! "Can't rely on anyone these days…have to do everything yourself…..DON'T WE?" –Joker (My Love Muffin :DDD) This is going to be totally….messed up. Of course I know the story of how Harleen Quinzel became 'Harley Quinn' BUT! I've decided to change things up a bit….(: ENJOY!

It had been a _long_ night. It had been an even _longer_ day. After visiting her father, she had gone to see her mother. She had arrived to find her mother having one of her 'breakdowns'. Occasionally, Lynnette Quinzel would call Harley to 'talk', but it ended up becoming a cry fest and/or "Why don't you love me?" or "Why don't you ever come visit me anymore?" Today was one of _those _days.

Harley had never been close to her mother and especially after her younger brother's death, she withdrew completely. A year later, her father had been carted off to Blackgate, and she was stuck with her mother. Then, she had graduated high school and left to dorm at Gotham University. Now she was back, in a cozy apartment in downtown Gotham, at the intersection of Axion and University. Harley had gotten a degree in psychology, but like most young people, fresh out of university, she wasn't quite sure where she wanted to go next. She had gotten a job as a bartender on southbend, about a mile west from her apartment. It was a fun job, easy, she made good tips. She chatted with the drunks about their problems, while filling them back up from time to time.

Now as she looked at her mother, washing dishes with tears streaming down her face, she started the conversation.

"Why don't you just go and visit him?" Harley questioned. She was perched upon the counter, watching her mother. "I know you miss him, both of them. You miss _both_ of them."

Her mother looked at her and sighed. "Harley, it's not as easy for me as it is for you to go visit your father. Besides, we're not talking about that."

Harley rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Well then let's talk about Vince. Why don't you go visit him? Hmmm? You haven't once gone to your own son's grave! You act like it never happened; you barely acknowledge it! You haven't even touched his room. Have you even gone in there since we found him hanging fro-"

"_Enough!_ Stop it Harleen, Stop it!" Her mother shouted. "How dare you accuse me of not caring about my son! You have no idea how hard it is for me to-to go and see him and-and…oh god… to acc-acc…" Her mother stopped. Silence filled the small kitchen.

"To **accept** it, _mother_?" Harley spat the last word out. How dare her _bitch_ of a mother think that she had no idea how _hard_ it was to accept Vinny's death? Harley had found him for god's sake! Her mother had _no_ idea how god damn _hard_ it was to find her baby brother, just turned 14, hanging from a make-shift noose from the ceiling fan in his bedroom. No, that was Harley's pain and her mother had _no_ idea. "You have to accept it to move on, mother. You can't let yourself drown like this."

Harley jumped down from the counter, and putting on her jacket, padded to the door. Before leaving she whispered, "And you wonder why I never visit you anymore." She slammed the door and walked out into the cold fall weather.

The Joker was brooding. It had been a whole month since his last wild escapades on Gotham City. He was in a rut. He needed ideas. This shocked him immensely. He always had ideas! He was currently sitting on the couch with his feet propped up on the coffee table in front of it. He sighed as he turned on his television to the 24 hour news station. He was bored with himself. Not seeing anything on the news channel that caught his eye, he changed the station to a Saturday morning cartoon of Wile Coyote attempting to capture the Roadrunner and failing yet again. _Hmmmm,_ He mused. _Sounds familiar. _Chuckling, he walked into the bedroom and through it to the bathroom.

He hadn't bathed the night before and his makeup was smeared down his face and onto his neck. He smiled to himself and started to unbutton his vest. Pulling down his suspenders from his shoulders, he unbuttoned and slipped off his undershirt. He pulled down his trousers, and with them his boxers. Slipping off his socks, he stepped into the shower. The water came on freezing, the way he liked it. Green dye ran down his face, shoulders, and back. He rubbed at his face to be rid of his war paint. As the water ran down his muscled back and chest, he thought of his next move. He decided that he'd go to the Iceberg Lounge. It was always….interesting there. He'd also heard of a copy-cat of sorts. Someone that also painted their face, not exactly like his, but pretty damn close. He'd been furious at first, but then Neal had told that it was a woman, an attractive woman. Then it had gotten interesting.

He had heard that she was a huge pain in the ass, hated the mob scene, and was extremely dangerous. He liked that. She called herself 'The Harlequin' and he wanted to meet the damsel. At first he'd thought that he'd inspired the name and the outfit, but then Neal told him to stop being full of himself. He smiled to himself as he put on another of his suits. However, he had other things on his mind then some woman. He walked out his door and to the black SUV that awaited him, with his driver Baldo at the wheel. He had no idea that 'The Harlequin' was not just "some woman", but that she would become very important to him.


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: HOLA! I was freaking out not even five minutes ago about how my story has already been alerted & favorited ( is that a word? Yes? No? oh well) and it's only been up for like…30 minutes? OH MY GOSHHHHH! Anyways, (I Love You Follower of Pan!) I am going to write the next chapter because I am so PUMPED about being alerted soooooo Voilà! Next Chapter!

Disclaimer: I own nothing related to The Dark Knight. Zilch. Noda. Rien. Niets. You Get The Picture.

Her long night had consisted of saving Selina Kyle's ass. Her old friend from university had gotten deep with the 'sharks'. Selina had become wrapped up into the mob scene after a wild night of partying freshman year at Gotham U. Harley, being the genius of her little group of friends, tried to drag her out of the cocaine circle, but Selina had never been a very good listener. On that night Miss Kyle had fucked herself over. That night, however, Harley had received a call from her dear friend and apparently Selina was in dire need of a 'second man' to help with the drug run. Harley hated working with the mob. They were bossy, stupid and completely unorganized. They hired the most stupid henchman possible, but Harley surmised that was because they were dispensable that way. After the drug run, Selina's shift at Burney's Strip & Tip Bar began, and Harley had driven back home. Exhausted, she fell asleep on her couch, not even making it to her bedroom, still fully clothed and un-showered.

She woke up the next morning with a pain in her neck from sleeping awkwardly on her small couch. As she padded to her bathroom, she rubbed her face. She gasped as her hand came away covered in grease paint. _Oh yeah,_ She thought. She remembered then. The drug runs with Selina. She had gone has Harley Quinn because it kept them on edge. Plus, she wasn't even sure if the underdeveloped cavemen knew her real identity. She'd keep that part to herself.

After showering, she dressed in simple blue skinny jeans and a black tee. After applying concealer and eyeliner, she slipped on her ballet flats and jacket, and headed out the door. She hadn't eaten breakfast, but seeing as it was already 11:00 in the morning, she could wait till lunchtime. That afternoon she had gone to see her father. Her father had been a good man, but he had gotten dealt into the mob scene. He was well-liked there and even considered something of a 'Boss'. However, one bad heist was all it took to get him thrown into Blackgate Penitentiary. He had been at the center of the heist and had shot two cops between the eyes. That had given him life in prison. Harley had been 17 and his son had killed himself a month before. Harley sighed as she remembered the conversation.

"_Harl! How's my petite fille?" her Father asked. He was smiling at her and completely jovial. She had always been daddy's girl and quite possibly his favorite. _

"_Fine Dad, how have you been holding up?" Harley answered. Dick Quinzel looked young for his 55 years, exceptionally young for being locked up for 10 years. He had dirty blonde hair like the female sitting before him and bright blue eyes which Harley also inherited. He had light frown lines and a few wrinkles here and there, but he didn't look his 55 years._

"_Ehh, I've been fed, clothed, and sheltered. That's about it. It's also about all I deserve really." He sighed through the phone. Then his eyes lit up. "So how's my petite femme's social life?" _

"_Ehh. I've been hanging out with Pam night and day and we've been having what Pam calls 'girls nights' with Selina." Harley spoke back into the phone. _

_Dick Quinzel's eyebrows shot up. "Girls nights? With Selina Kyle? Hah, and what would that be? Dancing in shitty, sweaty, and smelly nightclubs? Oh god, you didn't go to a Hooka Bar did you!"_

_Harley burst out laughing. "Dad! They call those 'Strip Clubs' now-a-days! And no! You think I'd do something like that, hmm?"_

"_With Selina Kyle, Yes."_

"_Okay fine! But once doesn't count. Maybe twice. Three times?" Harley chuckled to herself. "Daddy, nightclubs are fun. As long as you purchase your own drink and don't leave them unattended and don't get gang raped your fine!" She started to laugh as she realized the absurdity of her statement. Her father joined her. _

_Her father's chuckling ceased and a devious smirk appeared on his face. "Met any boys at these nightclubs? Any…..__**special**__ boys?" _

"_Dad, are you trying to ask me if I've ever taken a guy home before? Because I'd rather not have this conversation with you." Harley smiled. It was so like her father. He always asked in highschool if she had a boyfriend, but truthfully she never really did. Sure she was pretty, blonde hair, blue eyes. She had a petite and toned figure in result of her gymnastics. It hadn't been that she was unattractive, but she just didn't want one. She was consumed with the idea of getting her scholarship and she didn't have time for silly egotistical highschool boys. Besides, if she had had one, he would've been scared off. Her mother was batshit crazy, and her dad was in the mob. That would've gone over real well. 'Hi, my mother has breakdowns every so often and my father shoots people and sells drugs for a living. Wanna go out?' So Harleen Quinzel had stayed under the radar of male companionship until she could get away from her family and to University. _

"_Well just don't tell your mother about any of that because although you're twenty seven, your mother still thinks you're fresh out of the womb. Although don't be transferring any type of diseases, mon cher." Her father said._

"_Dad, don't worry. I'm not bringing guys home," Harley rolled her eyes. He was always looking out for her in some way, shape, or form. _

"_Alright well I was just making sure because you are still my baby and before I was in here, you were still my little-" _

"_Dad, has mom ever been to visit you?" Harley queried. She already knew the answer to her question, but she wanted to hear it from him._

_Her father sighed. "No, not lately."_

_Harley's eyes narrowed. "Cut the crap dad. She's never been to see you. I don't understand! She won't divorce you, yet she still won't come to see or talk to you. She could at least send you a damn letter." _

"_Harleen, your mother is very complicated. She always knew what I'd been doing and she once told me that if I ever hurt our children she'd never speak to me again. She blamed me for Vince's death and that was the rule breaker. She didn't talk to me much in my last month. She didn't talk much to anyone or anything during that month anyway." Her father's eyes had lost some of their brightness as he remembered. _

_Harley was silent for a moment and then, "She still wears her wedding ring you know." Harley looked him in the eye. "She still loves you, Dad."_

_Her father smiled. "I love your mother still. Despite everything that has happened, I still love and miss her." He sighed as he said his next words. "But I respect her choice of not coming to see me. I'm hurt that she doesn't want to see me, but your mother was hurt too. She lost her son and husband in a month's time, then a year later her daughter." Her father looked at her._

_Harley pointed her index finger at him. "Hey, don't blame me. I can only take so much of grief-stricken, crazy ass women." _

"_Be nicer to your mother. After a decade she's still broken." Her father replied._

"_Yeah well, she's going to be fucking broken for forever." Harley spat back._

"_Watch your mouth, young lady." Her father gave her a stern glance. "And heed my words missy. Go see your mother. She needs you, and please don't fight. She can only take so much."_

_Harley sighed and mock-saluted her father, "Will do, general. Any other orders?" _

"_Yeah, one more pumpkin, stay outta trouble! You understand?" Her father retaliated, smiling._

_Harley laughed. "Hah Dad, when am I ever in trouble?" She smirked deviously._

_Chuckling, her father spoke into the phone once more, "See you later, kid. I love you."_

"_I love you too, dad." Harley said. With that, she hung up the phone and watched her dad be escorted from the room. She sighed and walked out the door. Outside of the building she hailed another cab. She gave the driver the address to her mother's home and buckled her seatbelt. She might as well go and check up on her dear old mother. _

Harley sighed, yet again, as she remembered her conversation with her mother earlier that day. Lynnette Quinzel could be impossible at times. _Almost all the time, _Harley mused.

She let such thoughts slip from her mind at the moment, however. She had business to take care of. She picked up her cellular phone and dialed Pamela Isley's phone number. It rang twice before Red answered.

"_Hello?" _ Pam spoke.

"Pammy poo?" Harley said.

"_Yes woman?"_

"Wanna be my date tonight?" Harley asked. She put on hot water for a cup of tea.

"_Hah okay. Where we going?" _Pam replied.

"The…Iceberg Lounge?"

"_Isn't that owned by the fat creepy guy that calls himself 'The Penguin'?" _Pam asked.

"Uhhhhhh Hah yeah about that," Harley set out a mug and dropped the tea packet into the cup. "His name is Oswald Cobblepot and he isn't _immensely _creepy he's just a bit…..weird"

"_Hah yeah Harls, that guy was hitting on me like no tomorrow the last time you dragged me to that place! It smelled like fish and it was extremely freez-" _Pam's ranting was cut off.

"Yeah okay so pick me up at 8? Yes? Okay Yay! I knew that you would be _so_ excited for this! Well I'll see you then." Before Harley hung up, she caught a few of Pam's profanities. Oh she'd get over it. Besides, Harley had important business. Pam was just being Pammy. She poured the hot water into her mug and and stirred. After letting the tea steep for 3 minutes, she took it out and threw it away.

_Tonight is going to be interesting,_ She mused as she sat down onto her couch and turned on her television.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Sorry this took forever! I had a disease known as extemewriter'sblockitismititis (: Forgive me?

Well…Here…..We…..GO

Disclaimer: WHY I NO OWN THE DARK KNIGHT? I also don't own Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry, or his funny ass quotes :D (Unfortunately)

They arrived to loud thumping music and strobe lights.

"Woooooooooooooo! HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!" Harley exclaimed while pumping her fist.

Pam looked at her with raised brows, "Have you had tea again?"

"ARRIBAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Harley screamed as she threw her arms into the air.

"Oh Jesus, it's the caffeine." Pam said with disdain.

"C'mon ginger, loosen up!" Harley smiled at her menacingly. "There's a barrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

Pam rolled her eyes. "Yippee! Strippers, alcohol, convicts, OH MY!" Pam's words dripped with sarcasm.

"Ughhh Red! Don't be a party pooper! Go get a Cosmo or whatever girly drinks you drink and come have funnnn!" Harley advised with a sugary sweet voice.

"Harls, promise me that _you_ will not be drinking," Pam spoke with a laugh.

"Pssh! I've already had _my_ 'happy juice'," Harley said. "Now c'mon go, go, go!" Harley slapped Pam's butt and pushed her towards the bar.

Meanwhile at a table in the middle of the lounge, members of the Mafia were enjoying drinks, women, and conversation.

"Why this time should we help you, eh? Last time you got involved with mob you killed and stole from us. What you do now, huh?" Stas questioned the Joker with brows raised.

"What I, uh, plan to _do_ is change Gotham to something _better_ and my plans require your help." The Joker stated with a lick of his lips.

Stas looked at him, disbelieving, "What you say? Now you ask _my_ help?"

"Uh, yeah," The Joker spoke nonchalantly.

"What's in it for us?" De Luca queried with his chin raised.

The Joker turned to him. "What's _in_ it? Well…You can continue to do whatever business you're doing, but I might need some of your uhh…._boys_ every once in a while."

"So you want to use henchmen? Alright," Stas said with a shrug of his shoulders. "We no pay you, though."

The Joker chuckled. "No, I don't need paid, but uh, _thanks_ for the offer."

Stas looked confused and the Joker sat up.

He clicked his tongue and said, "Well? How 'bout you?"

De Luca looked at him skeptically. "What's the catch?"

The Joker blinked and stretched his scars, "No catch." He leaned back and folded his arms.

"Waddaya say, boys?" The Joker asked with his brows raised. "Si? No?"

Stas nodded and De Luca sighed.

"Alright clown, but _any_ wrong move and your ass is capped," De Luca stated.

The Joker put his hands up and said, "I'm a man of my word." He broke into a chuckle, but before he could stand to leave one of Stas's henchman pointed towards the stage.

"_Who_ is _that_?" The man asked.

Everyone located at the table turned their heads to look at the stage.

There was an attractive blonde woman clad in black Capri's reaching her mid-calf with bright red suspenders hooked to them. Her torso was covered in a red tank- top lined with black stripes. The woman's hair was a wild, curly mess and she was wearing face paint. It had smeared down her face, but it was still possible to see her eyes rimmed with black diamonds and the white that covered the rest of her face and the red that coated her lips. She raised her fishnet-gloved hands into the air.

"What is she doing?" Another henchman asked.

"Is that interpretive dancing?" Spoke another no-name.

"I dunno, but she's hot!" Stated another.

"Joker-man, who is that woman?" Stas motioned to the crazy, dancing clowness.

"_I_ don't even know," The Joker almost whispered. He blinked at the stage and smiled. She sure was theatrical.

The woman was now jumping every which way while screaming along to the music.

De Luca's eyes bugged out of his skull, "_What_ is she doing?"

"Still dunno, but she's pretty damn entertaining!" A henchman said.

Across the room, Pam was sitting at the bar, Cosmo in hand, while talking to the cute bartender.

"Hah! Me Poison Ivy? No way," Pam lied.

"Ahhh c'mon! Yah look just like her! And I'd _love_ to see you in leather," The man commented with a waggle of his eyebrows and a handsome grin.

Pam's reply was a giggle and the batting of her eyelashes.

She was about to speak when the man interrupted her.

"Whoa, who's that?" The man's eyes had lit up and he was gawking at the stage.

"What?" Pam turned to look at the stage. Her jaw dropped.

She saw a blonde woman high up on a pole, dangling from it gracefully. Her eyes bugged from her skull.

"OH MY GOD! Uhh, I'm so sorry! I have to go!" Pam exclaimed before slamming down a ten dollar bill. "Ughhh Harley!"

She left the man at the bar confused and wondering if he should run after her to get her number.

"Oh god dammit! And she's shoeless! Oh Harley, Harley, Harley," Pamela mumbled to herself. The clack of her heels was muffled by the loud thumping of the music.

Harley had gotten off the pole and was now doing a back-hand spring on stage. As she landed, she could hear someone screaming her name.

"Harley! Get down from there!" Pam called to her.

"Pammmmyyyy! Why ELLO There!" Harley jumped down and stood next to Pam.

"Wanna dance?" She asked.

"I would Harls, but I think you've done _enough_ dancing for the both of us," Pam chuckled. "Now c'mon, Clint Eastwood and popcorn have our names on them."

"Oh duuuuuude, Clint Eastwood sounds _so_ good right now." Harley exclaimed. How 'bout some Dirty Harry? _You've gotta ask yourself a question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?_" Harley broke into loud hysterical giggles.

"Alright Red, let's go." Harley said.

"Wait- _this_ was the business you had to _take care of_?" Pam asked with a glare.

"Heh, Heh…" Harley rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah well…We needed some fun."

"We?" Pam exclaimed.

"Shh, shh, shh, shh!" Harley waved her hand in front of Pam's face. "Now…..where are my shoes?"

Harley spun around with a confused look on her face and Pamela face-palmed.

"OH WELL! There's always new shoes!" Harley stated while pointing her index finger into the air.

They started to walk to the door when Harley's eyes lit up and she stopped.

She was staring at the table straight across from her in the middle of the lounge.

Her eyes were glued to the talking face-painted man whose arms were gyrating with emotion as he spoke. He was tall, lean, and handsome.

"Who…Who's _that_?" She whispered.

Pam smirked. "You're knight in shining armor, now let's go."

"No really, who?" Harley asked louder while glancing at Pam before turning her eyes back to the man.

"Oh c'mon, Harley! Purple suit, green hair, face paint," Pam counted off with her fingers. "It's the Joker. Yah know, Clown Prince of Crime, Harlequin of Hate, Ace of-"

"Yeah, Yeah I get it," Harley shushed her. "I obviously know that! I just meant…whoa. He's sexy in person. I mean…. He's good looking on television but….mmmmmmm." She began walking towards the man when Pam pulled her by the arm. "

"Oh no, no! You are in _no_ state to go talk to _that_ guy," Pam laughed. "Now c'mon, Clint awaits us."

"Ughh Mmkay….." Harley reluctantly agreed. Pam was right, and Harley now had a pounding headache. She'd be able to speak with him again. She sighed and followed Red outside.

He had noticed her stop and stare.

He had been watching the blonde demon as well, but couldn't find a reason to go speak with her. _Did he need a reason? Fuck no._ But his business hadn't been finished and she did look lovely dancing. He'd wondered where she got her suspenders…maybe her's were custom made, too? He giggled as he skipped down the alley ways. He'd meet her again, he was sure of it.

And when he did, he'd find out everything he could about the Clown Princess, Harley Quinn.


	4. Chapter 4

He had finally fallen asleep around five AM.

Now the cheap digital alarm clock that was sat on the old, beat-up bedside table glowed 10:00. The Joker was lying on a moth-eaten couch clad in only his boxers. He rubbed his eyes and his hands came away coated in grease paint. He reminded himself to bathe before he left to go take care of his 'real estate business'.

He stretched and sat up. Smacking his lips he wandered to his make-shift kitchen. Opening the fridge he found milk, bologna, and a horribly rotten apple that was almost unrecognizable.

"Yuck," He stated plainly. He looked at the bologna with disdain. "Apparently _you_ are my only choice."

He took the bologna out of its wrapping and took a bite. He sat down on his couch to eat it and turned it on to 'Good Morning Gotham!'

"-crime rate has significantly gone down even though Harvey Dent is no longer the DA." A reporter stated.

"And I assume that you're going to say that this is due to the Batman?" The reporter next to him commented while chuckling.

"Well exactly, yes!"

"Hah, c'mon now! It's _due_ to our new DA, George Fay!" Reporter two said. A picture of said Fay appeared on the screen. Reporter two was about to go into detail about the man, but Reporter one interrupted.

He raised his eyebrows and said, "Please, that guy has done jack squat! Batman has turned more criminals to justice-" He stopped and licked his lips. Once he found his words, he continued. "Batman _could_ be our District Attorney!"

Reporter two shook his head in disbelief. "We'll be back after this brief commercial," Reporter two said before the screen went to the logo of GCN.

"Crime rate significantly decreasing my ass!" Joker mumbled as he stood and made his way to his bathroom chuckling.

He threw off his boxers and examined his cut, bruised, and bleeding shoulder.

"Ehh….Band-aid? No…" He shrugged and stepped into the shower. He held back a hiss as the cold water stung his cut. He had almost been bullet riddled at his heist the night of last. He had cleaned himself up at The Iceberg before continuing his propaganda with the Mafia. _Speaking of which…..I should be expecting a call._

That's when he remembered her.

The Blonde demon dancing like a wild jungle animal.

"Ahh No! Instant hard-on," The Joker seethed. "Son of a-" He Glared down at himself. "GO AWAY." He then thought of her screaming and gyrating about. _The flip_…

"Errggg NO!" He face-palmed. "Alright fine! Gross thoughts, Gross thoughts! Ummm…..Grandma?" He growled and gave up.

Realizing that nothing would keep the Woman out of his head, he finished bathing and stepped out.

He slipped on a pair of worn, faded blue jeans and a navy blue T-shirt. He pulled on his chucks, and grabbed a jacket for the chilly spring weather.

Grabbing his keys from in between the cushions of the couch, he stepped outside to where a truck awaited him.

Harley pulled up to the warehouse and turned off the engine.

She had visited a night before, but she missed her babies. She padded her way to the backdoor of the warehouse where she unlocked it and slipped inside.

She began the trek up the rickety staircase to the top floor. She could hear the whines of her hyenas. They knew she was there.

"Babies," Harley sang. "Bud-Bud and Lou- Lou!"

They whined louder as their mommy approached.

The Joker had arrived and executed the rumble of the engine. Stepping out of the vehicle, he twirled the key ring around his fingers. Whistling, he walked to the backdoor to find it unlocked. _Odd?_ He shrugged his shoulders and continued into the building. Maybe he'd find an unlucky trespasser? The Joker chuckled darkly.

The moment he walked in and shut the door, he could hear laughter and yips. _Strange laughter,_ He mused. He made his way up the steps.

_Sounds almost like a hyena?_ Then he saw her.

She was rolling around on the floor with two hyenas while cooing at them. This was unreal. His blonde demon. There. In his warehouse! His new hideout! With…a key? Well, he knew how to put that _key_ of hers into use. He smirked.

She hadn't noticed him. _Good,_ He thought. He sauntered over to her and standing right next to her exclaimed,

"BOO!"

Squealing, she jumped up. Breathing heavy, she turned to look at him.

"BAHH! What..._What_ are _you_ doing here?"


	5. Chapter 5

"What are _you_ doing?" The Joker asked with one eyebrow raised. His arms were crossed and his mouth downturned.

She glared at him and stumbled back a few steps. "Taking care of what's mine…" She looked him up and down suspiciously. "Why are _you_ here?"

He sized up his opponent. Small. Short. Blonde. This would be simple. His downturned mouth turned upward into a tight-lipped grin. "I live here," He said, and then corrected himself, "Well technically '_will'_ be living here."

"Living here?" She questioned. She looked from the top of his dirty-blonde head to the tips of his black converse. _He looks so…unlike himself. Almost unthreatening. _But Harley could still see the mischievous glint in his bottomless eyes. She took a step back warily.

"I own this place, woman," He spoke. "And _you_ are trespassing." He stepped closer. He would do just about anything to make her uneasy. She held her breath.

"_Trespassing_? I've been coming here for months!" Harley scoffed. "Where were you _then_?"

"It's been one major pain in the ass to purchase this building. I've been stringing along the big-bad mob bosses for _months._"

"_So what_? I couldn't give two _fucks_ if you bought this building. I need somewhere to keep my pets and they've been here long enough that they can stay, no matter if you bought it or _not." _She finished with a steely glare.

"Listen _toots. I_ couldn't give two _fucks_ about your _pets. _So either get 'em outta here, _**or I will**_." He pointed to himself and narrowed his eyes at her.

She met his glare with one of her own. Finally realizing that he wouldn't yield, Harley pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. "Can we compromise?"

"Hmm…I can't understand you when you _mumble_," He quipped triumphantly. The smirk on his face made her want to dismember him. He'd heard her. Smiling bastard.

She seemed to seethe out her next words. "Can. We. Compromise?" Harley spoke the words with venom dripping from every last syllable.

He leaned closer to her, his shit-eating grin right in front of her face.

"Say _please…"_

Harley had to bring her hand back down. If she slapped him, it would be all over. She swallowed her pride before muttering, "Please…"

"That's a girl," He grinned, leaning away and walking towards the cage which held said hyenas. "I'll let you keep them here…"

Harley sighed in relief.

"-_**if**_ you assist me whenever I call on you."

The smile dropped from her face. "What?"

"Ah, Ah, Ah!" He said turning back to her, face still plastered with a trademark smile. "Do you want them here or not…?"

He expected she'd put up a fight, either with words or her hands. He didn't get one.

The Joker saw her defeat and watched her mouth downturn.

Harley sighed. "You won't make me do anything _stupid_, will you?" She glared at him, one eyebrow erect.

He shrugged. "We'll see…"

"Alright, you have a deal. But you _better_ not be lying because I swear I'll-"

"I'm a man of my wor_**d**_," He promised.

She stared at him until she found what she was looking for – _truth_ – and nodded.

With one last gleam of contempt in her eye she turned away from him and headed for the stairs.

"Hey! You'll need this, princess," He tossed it to her just as she turned around.

She caught it with both hands, clearly not ready and fixed him with another glare. Finally looking down, she recognized the object. "My cell phone? How did you…?" She shook her head and pocketed it. "You know what? I just dropped the fuck I was about to give…"

He chuckled. "Goodbye Miss Quinzel! See you soon…" He called down to her retreating person.

He didn't quite catch her mumbled profanity, but he assumed that she was just as _excited_ as he was.

The Joker's scars stretched once again with another grin of victory.

The clown turned to address the hyenas. "Score one, huh boys?"

They responded with quick yips and giggles.


	6. Chapter 6

_One month later…._

She was sitting on her couch, clad in nothing but a large black t-shirt and pink panties, when there was a knock at her door.

_The fuck? It's nine o-clock in the morning…..who could that possibly be? I already paid the rent….._

She groaned as she stood up and padded to her door. She didn't even look through the door scope to see who it was. She should have.

She opened her door to reveal the Joker in all of his glory.

"Rise and shine, beautiful," He spoke before shoving his way past her.

She didn't even try to stop him. After all, she was much too tired. She hoped he didn't have anything _too _exciting planned for her. After the previous night she'd had, she didn't want excitement for a long time.

She rubbed her eyes and mumbled, "Three questions. How'd you find me, why are you here, and how did you get into the building? You may be wearing everyday clothes and your face is absent of the face paint, but how'd you get past Jerry with the scars?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets," He said to her pointedly with a smirk.

She simply stood there, looked at him, and raised her eyebrows.

He sighed and stuck his hands in his pockets, "Alright, I kiiinda killed your doorman."

"What? You killed Jerry? Aww..I actually sorta liked him…..oh well." She sighed. "You know you can't do that every time."

"_I _obviously know that. I mean, don't forget who you're talking to; Clown Prince of Crime, Harlequin of Hate, Ace of Knaves, etc.," He said arrogantly, a smug grin plastered to his face.

"Oh, yeah yeah, sorry," She said sarcastically. "Slipped my mind…"

"And the cameras….?" She asked.

"Like you said, I look like an every-day citizen. As long as I don't show my face, I'm good." He shrugged.

She walked into her kitchen and prepared a bowl of cereal. She could feel his eyes on her and she glanced up at him. Once again, he looked undeniable. He stood there in all of his blonde glory; hair tousled, and clad in a navy-blue dress shirt, buttoned up his forearms, and faded blue jeans. He smirked as he looked at her.

"No wonder you got past the cameras," She mumbled.

He continued to stare at her. He looked as if he was in disbelief.

"What?" She said. Although it was more of a, 'Wuff?" as she was talking with her mouth full of cheerios.

"So this is what the great 'Harley Quinn' does on her weekends?" He chirped.

"Oh shut up," She mumbled back, taking another big spoonful. "Where are you? Oh yeah…here. You're not doing anything special 'Mr. Big Bad Scary Joker'"

"Love the sarcasm," He spoke, "Oh, and the outfit." He winked at her and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolled her eyes at him before placing her bowl in the sink.

"You disgust me," She shot back, "And it looks like you do a shit-ton of nothing, as well."

She began walking past him, but he stopped her.

"Wait…you have milk riiiiiiiiiight there," He leaned down and licked it off the corner of her mouth. He looked up at her eyes to see her glaring viciously at him. He smiled.

She merely glared and shoved him away.

"Do you know that I _love_ personal space?" She said, putting emphasis on love.

Harley meandered her way to her bedroom where she strolled to her dresser and pulled out denim shorts and a pale yellow tank-top.

Realizing that he had followed her, she turned around and pushed him out of the room.

"Alright, fine, fine…. I see how it is! You'll stroll around in your little panties, but I can't see-" He became muffled as she turned her radio volume as high as it would go.

"Is that Smooth Jazz I hear?" The Joker shouted over the loud music.

Rolling her eyes and thinking about how she would kill him, she slipped off her T-shirt.

She dressed quickly and threw her hair up into a pony tail. After applying mascara, she turned off her radio and put on her flip-flops.

She didn't know that he was standing right outside the door, so when she opened her door, she fortunately smacked him in the face.

"Ah! Jesus Christ, do you have to open the door with so much force?" He muttered, holding his nose.

She smirked. "Oh don't be such a baby about it." She grabbed her keys from the edge of the counter. "So where we going?"

"No, no, no! _I'm_ driving, sweet cheeks," He corrected. "Annnnnnnd I'll tell yah when we get there."

"What? Ummm no, 'sweet cheeks'!" She stood with her hands on her hips. "I wanna know where you're taking me." She walked to the door and opened it.

"Are you really going to be this whiny about it?" He walked out of the apartment behind her and shut the door. He snapped the lock into place and they moved into the elevator.

"Yes," She stated. She punched the button labeled 'ground floor' and the elevator whirred into motion.

He sighed before saying simply, "No."

She folded her arms and glared. "Is this more of your 'real estate business'?"

"Bingo, shorty," He winked at her. "I require your assistance in helping me move in my things."

"Couldn't you have gotten some of your 'henchmen' to do it for you?" She questioned.

"Well yes, they'll be helping, too. I would have asked them solely, _but_ I have to relocate your darling 'puppies' to another part of the building and they don't seem to like me very much."

"Hmm, good boys," Harley smirked. She caught his playful glare before saying, "_Why_ exactly are they being, as you say, 'relocated'?"

"Because where they are is going to be my new work station _and_ they smell and they are _very _annoying," He said with a grimace. He truly hated the beasts. The non-stop growling, yipping, barking, giggling, and snarling had gotten on his nerves. In a way, they reminded him of her, which he thought, is why he just didn't get rid of them despite Harley's wishes.

"They don't smell!" She insisted. She had just bathed her boys, they _did not_ smell.

"Trust me, they smell," He replied with a laugh.

The elevator doors opened to reveal the lobby of the apartment complex. A large group of police officers were standing around the front desk, which was now surrounded by yellow crime-scene tape.

Harley and Joker caught a few words, 'Joker' and 'search of the entire building and those surrounding it', before turning left and out a back door of the building.

"Good thing I parked in the back, huh?" He mused.

She glared at him. "You couldn't have just come through the back door. Nope, had to stroll in through the front and kill my sweet, old doorman."

"Ehhh, he was a geezer. His time was coming," He said with a shrug. He opened the door of the SUV for her, but she declined and closed the door and re-opened it herself before getting in.

He chuckled and walked around the car to the other side. He stuck the key into the ignition, and drove out of the parking lot and onto the street.

"Are you always this difficult?" The Joker asked. He glanced at her for a moment before turning his eyes back onto the road.

"Pretty Much," She said. She noticed the glare of the sun through the windshield as she looked up. "You have any sunglasses?"

"Glove compartment," He spoke before turning right.

She dug around until she found a pair of Ray-Bans amongst the mess. She slipped them onto her face and leaned back into her seat. She sighed and folded her arms.

"You always this dramatic, too?" He teased.

"Only with you," She mumbled.

"Ah," He nodded with a chuckle before he turned onto the freeway.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been hot.

The two clowns had been working in the warehouse four hours straight. Their only stop was for lunch, and that was to _get_ lunch. Meaning that you held the sandwich and ate it as you continued to carry and/or move things inside of the warehouse. The job also included painting and furnishing. There were a total of fourteen rooms and three floors, plus the basement.

Harley wiped sweat from her brow. She had painted seven rooms _and_ moved his shit in. She was ready to tell him off and leave, but he did help her with it all.

They had been accompanied by the Joker's thugs, which had actually been extremely useful. They had finished all fourteen floors and basement within a few hours. That would seem impossible, but now she knew why he had had that meeting at The Iceberg with the mob. He needed there help, so he manipulated them. Harley smirked as she thought about it. The Joker probably needed them for other more "important" things, but he made them instead waste a day cleaning his new home. It was a win-win for him and a lose-lose for the Mafia. Just the way he liked it.

He was devious and cunning. His schemes were clever and meaningful. He made Gotham his own and he ruled it. She liked that about him. Not to mention he was rather handsome. That worried her. She didn't want to become attached to the man. She had to be rational about her "feelings". He was the Joker after all. _Zero empathy, can't feel love yadda, yadda,_ She sighed.

They were sitting up against the back of the leather couch. He was leaned up against the couch next to her, holding a water bottle. The doors and windows had been opened to let in fresh air. By now, it was only Harley and Joker left in the warehouse; along with her puppies of course.

He noticed her staring at him and asked teasingly, "Is it the scars?"

She smirked and said, "It's never the scars."

"Then what do you want?"

"Wanna go do something?" She asked him. Harley glanced at him before standing.

He looked up at her skeptically before answering, "Like what? It's too early to do much of anything."

"Not something like that, but…..like…I don't know! Anything…." She cried. "Don't you get tired of doing nothing all day?"

"I don't do "nothing" all day," He stood up and took a drink from his water bottle. "I work."

"On what?" She asked with a laugh. "Your next scheme?"

He looked at her and pointed his index finger while saying, "Hey, I don't scheme."

"Mhhmmmm," She hummed. "C'mon! Just something? Anything?" She looked at him with big eyes and squeezed his bicep. "Please?"

He glanced down at her and sighed. "Fine…but it better be something good. If you take me to do something stupid, I swear I'll-"

She cut him off with a kiss to his scarred cheek.

"You know you can't do that every time," He echoed her earlier words.

She nodded and bit her lip. "C'mon…I have an idea."

"You look…devious….." He looked at her in fear. "Where are you taking me?"

"You can uh….swim right?" She asked while wandering over to her bag. She pulled out a blue and white striped bikini. "I came prepared just in case you know…"

"Did you expect me to agree?" He exclaimed. He stalked towards her with his eyes wide and a smile plastered to his face.

"Ummm...no?" She lied as she shook her head and backed away giggling. "No…what are you doing? Stay _away_-"

He tackled her then and she squealed. She protested by whining in between her giggles but it was to no avail.

"No…really stop!" She finally yelled. He let up and looked down at her. He rested a top her and she held her sides and grimaced.

"Ughh, asshole! I think you made me pee a little…" She whined.

"Well, good thing we're going swimming then….right?" He grinned lazily. His blonde hair fell around his face and she looked up at him.

The sun illuminated his back and he looked like he was shining. Harley laughed. It was rather ironic, him looking like an "angel".

"What's funny?" He asked furrowing his brows.

"Nothing," She said. "C'mon, stop raping me. Do you even have a swim suit?"

"Possibly. I'll have to look in some of the unopened boxes," He stood up and smirked. "But uhh…..if I _don't_ I could just go naked…." He waggled his eyebrows at her suggestively.

"In your dreams," She stated with a blank expression. She stood up and walked over to a few of the boxes.

"You're always in my dreams," He said with a fake girly sigh.

"Oh shut the fuck up and look through your shit," She commanded. She folded her arms and watched as he slowly walked over.

"Where's this swimming pool by the way?" He asked. He rummaged through box one. He was unsuccessful and moved on to box two.

"Pam has an in-ground at her place," Harley answered. She watched him retrieve green swim trunks from the bottom of the box.

"Aha!" He exclaimed. "When did I get these…...?" He muttered under his breath. He shrugged and turned towards her.

"Ready?" She asked. She stood next to the staircase.

"I'm driving," He stated. He saw her face form a frown.

"Again? No, I'm driving," She argued, "You drove last time!"

"So? It's my car, I'm driving," He shot back.

They started down the stairs and argued all the way out the door.

"That doesn't matter!" Harley complained.

"Are we _really_ arguing over this again?" The Joker groaned.

"_I_ should drive because _I_ know how to get to Pam's! _You_ don't, so give me the keys!"

"What? No, just give me directions! This is not supposed to be difficult!" He exclaimed while he started the engine.

It was going to be a long car ride.


	8. Chapter 8

She watched him as he dove into the pool.

Harley was sitting on the edge of the swimming pool with Pam next to her. Red was busy writing a grocery list, her sunglasses perched on her nose and her red hair wild and curly from the humidity of the hot summer day.

Harley leaned back on her arms and blinked. He really was magnificent. The Joker could blow up two buildings, kill the District Attorney and the Assistant District Attorney, blow up the MCU, and out-think the entire Gotham Police force all in one night. And the jackass could do a perfect swan dive. Not to mention, have an incredibly sexy and tan torso. Who was this guy?

"Pam, I've finally figured out who he is," Harley said. "He's God."

Pam laughed as she scribbled down 'milk'. "Harl, of all the possibilities you pick God?"

"No doubt about it," Harley shook her head, "Look at him Pam! Besides the scars, he's fucking perfect! That man controls the Gotham Mob _and_ he still has time to work out. C'mon!" Harley gestured with her hands toward the Joker as he, yet again, dove gracefully into the water. "See?"

Pam chuckled and set down her pad of paper and pen. She pushed her sunglasses down her nose slightly so she could glance at Harley. "Harls, if he's anyone, he's Satan."

Harley sighed. "Then Satan is pretty damn sexy."

She laid down and picked up the pair of sunglasses that laid beside her and put them on.

"Oh are you going to take a little nappy?" Pam joked. She glanced down at Harley and smirked. "Have you had a hard day?" Pam mocked in a baby voice.

"Don't you have to go to the store?" Harley grumbled. "And yes I have. I've been with said 'Satan' all day."

"Hey you invited him over," Pam chuckled as she put her hands up in innocence.

"Yeah well…I didn't know he'd be such a pain in the ass," Harley muttered.

"Eh, he hasn't been that bad," Pam stated, "It shocked me how well-behaved 'Satan' could actually be." Harley and Pam began to giggle until suddenly a familiar face popped out of the water.

"Is that what you're calling me now?" The Joker said. He tsked and waggled his index finger.

"Have you been eavesdropping, clown?" Pam asked.

He ignored her and continued, "Watch yourself Red. What if I really am Satan?"

Pam smirked at him and stated, "Then you'd be a hell of a lot scarier."

The Joker gave Pam a pouty face and pulled himself out of the water and onto the cement. Pam handed him a towel from one of the lawn chairs and he began to dry off.

He glanced at Harley as he rubbed his face, torso, and back. "What's with the grumpy expression? You should be happy, I'm half-naked." The Joker smirked at her as he said his last three words. He shook his wet mane at her and she squealed.

Harley's reply was a few words that the Joker was unable to make out.

He cupped his ear and said, "What was that?"

Harley then said it again, but to no avail.

"What was that?" The Joker said a little louder, still cupping his ear.

Harley then sat up and screamed at him,"Kiss my ass!"

"_Well_, you don't have to be _so_ loud," He teased. They were now face to face and the Joker grinned.

She huffed at him. Her sunglasses had slid down her nose and were now crooked.

"You know darling, I would _love_ to 'kiss your ass', but…we have an audience," He said as he gestured with his head over to Pam.

"That's it, I'm leaving," Pam stood up and put her grocery list into the front pocket of her denim shorts. "You two have doing whatever you're doing." Pam glanced down at them and nodded. She walked over to the lawn chair where her purse sat and took out her wallet. After placing it into her back pocket, she grabbed her keys from inside the Prada bag, and stalked towards the gate.

"No Red, don't leave me!" Harley exclaimed as she struggled to stand up. "You can't leave me here with _him_."

"You two seemed fine earlier today when you came with 'him' from 'his' place." Pam chuckled while saying, "Harl, you'll be fine."

Winking, Pam began to walk to her car. She glanced over her shoulder and yelled, "And don't let him blow up my house!"

Harley's face fell as she heard Pam's car start. She heard the groan of the SUV as it pulled out of the drive way and onto the street.

She glanced at the Joker, who sat next to her. He was leaning back on his elbows and grinning. He noticed her staring at him and looked over.

"Yes?" He asked her.

"What do you wanna do now?" Harley posed.

"I dunno." He shrugged. "We could swim some more?"

"Nahh…it's getting late." She said as she looked up at the sky.

A sly grin crept onto the Joker's face. "Wanna make out?" He asked.

Harley looked at him in disgust. "How dare you even ask me that! You think that I would even condescend to speak to you let alone touch your mouth-"

"Okay, Okay! Well…_I_ thought it was a pretty good idea…" He glanced back at her. She looked like she was ready to rant again, so he did the only sensible thing he could do at the moment. He shut her up.

Harley only registered a second of the raping of her lips before the Joker pulled away. Their noses were touching as they looked at each other.

"Why'd you do that?" Harley whispered. She looked at his eyes, then to his lips, and back up again.

"You were talking very loudly and it was quite irritating so I stopped you," The Joker stated with a shrug. "It's pretty simple, really."

"Huh," Harley breathed. She looked thoughtful for a moment.

The Joker was about to ask what she was thinking about when as he opened his mouth, it was covered by Harley's.

His lips felt strange. She could feel the small scar on his bottom lip as she massaged it with her own. It may have been strange, but she decided he felt nice.

She placed her hands on his broad shoulders. Harley could feel the tight, lean muscle there as he shifted his position. He held the back of her neck with one hand, and placed the other on the small of her back. Suddenly she felt something wet protrude into her mouth. The said wet thing touched her tongue and prodded it. She realized that it was his and she relaxed against him.

She moaned in protest when he left her mouth, but gasped in satisfaction as he attacked her neck with kisses and his tongue. He bit and nibbled and she moaned and squeaked.

She dragged her hands up and down his muscled back and pulled him down onto her as she laid down on the ground. He trailed his mouth lower onto her collar bone and she squealed. He bit, licked, and suckled on her pale flesh leaving bright red marks.

"J…" Harley breathed as he moved back up to her lips.

She ran her fingers through his wet, blonde curls as he continued to assault her mouth. She wrapped her calves around his hips and the Joker released a long groan. He dragged his hands down her arms and placed them on her hips where he gripped them as he grinded against her. Harley let out a gasp at the sensation.

Harley's only thoughts were of him and what he was doing to her, and not what was about to happen.

Suddenly, there was a loud noise and lots of red. It had become hot quickly and there was debris everywhere around her. She felt pieces of wood, glass, and rock hitting her skin. She was scorching and she then knew what had happened. _Pam's last words before leaving are quite ironic now_, she thought as the Joker rolled them into the pool. The water felt wonderful against her singed skin and she reveled in it. She suddenly remembered her need for oxygen, and she swam to the surface.

Gasping for air, Harley looked around her. She noticed that what used to be Pamela Isley's house was burning before her. There was debris everywhere and the yard was a mess.

She looked around frantically for the Joker until she spotted him swimming towards her.

"J!" She yelled as she paddled towards him.

The Joker reached Harley and put his arms around her.

"Are you alright?" He asked her. He began to examine her face and arms.

"Obviously J, I'm fine." She slapped his hand away that was prodding a small cut on her shoulder. "It's the house that I'm worried about…and who did this."

"Well, the house is obviously not going to make it," the Joker stated.

Harley slapped his arm. "Smartass…"

She looked up at the burning building before her. "Thank God Pam went to the store…she could be dead."

"Yeah….thank God…" the Joker grumbled.

Harley glared at him and spoke, "You better be kidding." He grinned cheekily at her.

The Joker sighed and said, "Somebody's targeting Red, you, or me. And of the three…I highly suspect it's me." He glanced around them and let go of Harley.

"We should get out of here in case anything else happens." He stated.

Harley nodded and replied, "Yeah you're right. I'll call Pam and tell her to notify the fire department." They swam towards the edge and got out.

"Think she'll be mad?" The Joker teased. He glanced at Harley with his brows raised.

"Hah, yeah I think she'll be _quite_ pissed," Harley smirked as she pulled on her denim shorts and tank top over her bathing suit.

"Well…this wasn't _my_ fault," He said as he slipped on his t-shirt and grabbed his keys from the lawn chair.

"Technically, yes it is. If the guy that bombed Red's house was targeting you, then it _is_ all your fault," Harley noted. She smirked at him as he crossed his arms and frowned.

"So now I have to get bitched at because of something I wasn't even aware of?" the Joker said gesturing towards himself.

"Oh Shshshshsh," Harley shushed as she dug her cell phone out of her jean pocket and dialed the number for Pam.

Harley sighed as she held the phone up to her ear. "Oh boy…"


	9. Chapter 9

"_**What**__?"_ Pam exclaimed into the phone.

Harley held the phone away from her ear and quickly adjusted the volume.

"Umm…Well yes it kind of just-" Harley was cut off by Pam screaming in her ear.

"_**EXPLODED?**_"

Harley cringed and replied, "Look this isn't my fault-"

"_You're damn right it isn't! It's __**his**__!_" Pam screeched. "_That insufferable pig of a man is responsible! Did he do it? Harleen! I swear if he did this-"_

"No, No! Red-Stop! It wasn't him," Harley pleaded, "It couldn't have been him because….well he wouldn't do that! He doesn't have a reason!"

"_He blows other shit up without a reason!_" Pam stated.

"Pam…" Harley begged.

She paused before sighing, "_Alright fine, I believe you…then who? Besides your monkey, I have no other ideas."_

There was a whisper of, 'I am not a monkey!' and shushing before Harley spoke again, "Well… J seems to believe that we're either being followed or targeted…or both," Harley braced herself for Pam's screech.

"_**WHAT?**_"

Harley grimaced as Pam continued her lecture, "_Now that mother fucker has someone after you? Jesus Harley! __**Why**__ you associate with these people I will never know!"_

"It's not his fault, _mother_, it could be my own fault!" Harley reasoned, "I haven't exactly been best friends with the mob lately…"

"_Any leads? Anyone you think would especially target you?" _Pam asked_._

"No, not that I can recall," Harley brought the phone to her chest. "J, anyone you'd know?"

"Hah…well that's _quite_ a long list," The Joker laughed.

Harley sighed and placed the phone back to her ear, "No Pam, no one that we can think of."

"_Hah! Yeah right. Put me on speaker, I want to talk to __**him**_," Pam insisted.

Harley glanced at J as if to say, 'You're in for it'.

Harley pressed the side button on her cell phone and Pam's voice spoke aloud to each of them.

"_Now listen, __**buster**__. You get my friend to a safe place and rack your dumb brains for whoever is targeting you and Harley. I don't want my best friend dead on account of you, asshole. Understand?" _Red lectured.

The Joker nodded and Harley giggled at him.

"She can't hear you nod, silly." Harley pointed out.

The Joker smirked at her and said, "Loud and clear general."

"_Go be a smartass somewhere else." _Pam chastised, "_Now, drive Harl home and then think about your enemies. And do not tell me that this was some __**accident**__ because it wasn't! Houses just don't blow up! So now, Harley, I'm going to go to Selina's and I'll call yah later, 'kay?"_

"What about your things at the…house?" Harley asked.

Red laughed. "_What house? And besides…is there even anything for me to take?"_

Pam took Harley's silence as a no. _"Okay well, talk to you later."_

Harley sighed, "Bye Pammy. And sorry…again."

Harley's answer was a dial tone.

"So she's pretty pissed huh?" The Joker asked.

"Pretty pissed? Hah, she's furious!" Harley exclaimed. "Now I'm in deep shit because of _you_."

"Me? I thought we already established that this wasn't my fault!" He argued.

They were standing next to his black SUV in Pam's backyard. He, leaning against the driver's side door and her, glaring at him with her arms crossed.

Receiving no answer, the Joker asked, "Where are your shoes?" He leaned his head to the side in confusion.

Harley looked down and cursed. "Dammit! They were in the house…"

"Now you definitely can't drive," the Joker grinned.

"Fuck you," Harley sighed. She yawned and realized just how tired she was. "Please…just take me home."

She walked over to the passenger side door and got inside the vehicle.

The Joker was left standing there, befuddled. Hopefully his princess didn't think she was being targeted. If anyone, it would be him. And if _they_ were after her, he'd be after _them_.

Sighing, he stepped into the car. He stuck the keys into ignition and turned them to start the vehicle. The car roared to life and he backed out of the driveway and onto the road leading back into the heart of Gotham City.

**A/N:** I know it's short, but I have part two in my head so expect another chapter soon. I'm just too lazy to sit here and write the rest out…. (: Forgive me?


	10. Chapter 10

The first thing she saw was the green question mark.

The Joker had dropped Harley off at her apartment building like Pam had "instructed". He advised Harley to call him if anything was amiss.

Oh, something was definitely amiss.

Her apartment was trashed. The graffiti on her door was a bright green question mark and the same marking adorned her furniture, fridge, and cabinets. It seemed like every one of her belongings littered the floor, and most of them were broken.

Before she traveled farther into her home, she took two steps to her coat closet located next to her door. Inside of her red leather jacket was a semi-automatic that she quickly and quietly retrieved.

She stalked throughout her apartment checking to see if any of her intruders were lurking in the shadows. When she was positive that there weren't any, she examined the rest of her apartment thoroughly.

To her knowledge, nothing had been stolen. _Hmmm_, She thought, _they are definitely targeting me. _Suddenly, an absurd thought came to her. What if "these people" were after the Joker, but using her to get to him? That would imply that they were together. As in together-together. _Oh No. No Way._

It was either the former or the latter. Harley knew that it couldn't possibly be Pam. Poison Ivy hadn't been out as herself in weeks, nor had she caused any trouble with anyone. Well, as far as Harley knew.

Harley sighed and sat down on her ruined couch. She needed to get somewhere safe. These creeps knew where she lived and could come again. Not that she couldn't take them. She could skin them alive and boil them if she wanted to, but that required effort and planning and at the moment Harley had more problems than hoodlums.

She knew where she should go. She always _could_ go to Selina's, but she knew _they_ could find her in a little, dingy apartment listed in the phone book. Besides, if they knew where she lived then they must know her circle of friends. She didn't want to put Pam or Selina in danger. After all, they were only friends.

Her only other option was _him_. And he would be _so_ cocky when she called him. "_Need my assistance, do you?" _He'd say with his trademark, smart-ass grin. Secretly she did, but Hell would have to freeze over before she told him that. She needed somewhere safe, hidden, and secure. No one ever found out where the Joker stayed, and hopefully not even _they_ could.

She sighed as she poked through her contacts to find him. She was positive he set his "name" as some immature pet name or such. Although, when she found :

_Jack N._

listed, she stopped and sucked in a breath. _Could that possibly be his real name? If so, why would he tell me?_ She decided she'd question him about it later and dialed his number. The phone rang twice before he answered.

"_Princess, is this a distress call?"_

She sighed into the phone. Of course. She was right. "Oh yes, I'm a damsel in distress, please come save me, yadda, yadda, yadda."

He chuckled as she continued, "Listen, my apartments trashed. Whoever's targeting me, you, us, have found out where I live and I think I might have to stay with you for awhile."

"_Ohhh, so you are a damsel in distress, hm?" _ The Joker snickered again before continuing, "_Take some pictures of your apartment before leaving and pack your bags. I'll be there in fifteen." _With that, he hung up.

Harley shut her phone and grumbled. _His_ place was the _last_ place she wanted to stay. Especially overnight.

Although, he had fixed it up well and she'd see her babies night and day. And there had been no argument? He didn't even care? She was beginning to see just how odd the man really was. She weighed the pros and cons of staying with him as she packed clothing, shoes, toiletries, etc.

Well, she'd finally have a lovely view. He was rather handsome and leanly built. However, extremely arrogant, distant, and annoying. Her mind drifted to where she would be sleeping and for a fleeting moment, she thought of sleeping with _him_. In the same bed. Together. Possibly Naked.

_Oh no, no, no!_ She took a deep breath and tried to rid herself of those thoughts. He was an attractive man, but she couldn't possibly do that with him. Not that she didn't want to, just that he'd never let her live that down. Besides, it would never work between them. He was the god damned Joker after all!

Psychotic.

Unloving.

Unemotional.

Uncompassionate.

Uncaring.

Sadistic.

Wretched.

Hurtful.

Spontaneous.

Etc.

She listed them all off in her head. But there was also the fact that he was funny, witty, sexy, and completely unpredictable. However, her cons to him _definitely _outweighed the pros.

She shook her head frantically and banished the thoughts as she angrily snapped a few quick photos of her ruined apartment. She stood next to her door, leaning on the wall, and waited for the call to announce his arrival.

A few minutes later her phone vibrated and she stomped out of her apartment, closing the door behind her. She took the stairs that led to the back of the building and emerged to find him in a black SUV with the engine running. She quickly walked to the passenger side and got in, slamming the door. Buckling her seatbelt, she saw him smirking at her from the corner of her eye.

"What?" She snapped at him. He held his hands up in innocence before placing them back onto the steering wheel saying, "Nothing, nothing."

She huffed and crossed her arms. Harley glared ahead as the Joker put the vehicle into drive and began to travel back to his (their) current home. He glanced down at the duffel bag that contained her belongings.

"That's all you brought?" He said with raised brows.

"Yeah, why?" She answered him with a question of her own.

"Just wondering how all of your shit fit in _one_ bag," the Joker stated, putting emphasis on one.

"Would it seem that I would need more than one bag?" She snapped. She turned her glare to him now and he figured that if looks could kill, he'd be dead.

"Hah, I'm just saying that I've seen your apartment and there is no way that all your 'lady things' fit into one duffel bag." He glanced at her quickly in disbelief, and then directed his eyes back to the road. "I mean, it was shit filled. You were like a little hoarder, I mean-"

"Okay, okay!" She said, stopping him from his rant on her being a pack rat. "Well, I guess that I've surprised you because this is it."

"You sure? Because I _really_ don't want to go back there for anymore of your-" He cleared his throat-"'things'." He raised his brows to her in question.

She sighed and said curtly, "I'm fine. I don't need anything else." The way that she said it, he thought for sure she'd bite his head off.

"What's got your panties in a knot?" He asked.

"You, now drive faster. Being this close to you makes me break out in hives." She lied.

He chuckled before replying, "You didn't break out in hives when we were making out, did you? Or when I was running my hands down your-"

"Shut up, shut up!" She seethed. "We are _not_ talking about _that_." As she spoke, she had retrieved her sunglasses and iPod. Turning the Apple product as loud as it would go, and slumping into her seat, Harley began her plan of ignoring him.

The Joker was stunned. What had turned her mood sour so suddenly? That afternoon they had been having a good time (shockingly) and she had even let him kiss her. A lot. And now she was this nasty, bitchy thing. He didn't retaliate back at her though. He figured that she must be worried. About Pam. About herself. About him. _Oh wouldn't that be grand_, he thought with a grin. His clown. Worried about him. How sweet.

He apparently didn't understand her plan anymore then her sudden mood change, because he was still trying to communicate with her.

"Ooh, Led Zeppelin, _nice_. Can I sing along?" He grinned.

She groaned and slapped her forehead as he began to sing the words of _Kashmir_.


	11. Chapter 11

They were both seated on a black leather couch in what was the Joker's living room.

Harley's eyes were glued to one of the three televisions that were mounted to the wall. As she watched Looney Tunes. _While_ glancing at the news channel. _While_ glancing at the weather channel.

She was beginning to become dizzy. How did he watch all of them at once? The man could watch all three simultaneously while planning out his next strategy to bring chaos and anarchy to Gotham. And write words on paper. She stared at him with a baffled expression, but he didn't look up from the pictures he was studying. He was so strange. But that was another thing that had her attracted. Unfortunately.

"How do you do this…? And you take notes, at the same _time_?" Harley said, completely astonished.

"It looks harder than it is. Besides, I've been doing it for years so it becomes an easy task. By the way, I love this episode," The Joker mumbled. He glanced up and gestured to the third TV that was currently playing Looney Tunes. He then slumped back into the couch and looked at the pictures with a puzzled expression.

"Did you find any notes… or anything of that sort?" The Joker asked her while chewing on his pen in thought.

Wile E. Coyote had just been crushed by an anvil and Harley had barely registered that the Joker was speaking to her. "Huh? Wahh?"

"Harl, did you find any notes?" He asked again. He glanced up at her and saw her slowly turn her head away from the screen.

"Did I find any…?" She asked dumbly.

The Joker sighed and turned off the television showing the cartoon.

"Hey! I was-"

"A note Harley! This could be important! Did you find any?" His tone was snappish this time and he sat up, staring at her.

"Not that I can recall, but I'm quite positive that my intruder didn't leave anything other than the graffiti," She stated. She then clicked back on the third television and leaned back into the couch, folding her arms behind her head.

"Sooo all that you saw/found was…the question marks?" He questioned, eyebrows raised at her.

"Correctomundo, Mr. J," Harley replied as she watched the coyote be defeated once again by Roadrunner, falling off a cliff to a waiting explosion; the classic.

He sighed and rested his elbows on his knees. "Have you ever seen these before? The question marks, I mean?"

He _apparently_ needed her attention, so she muted the television and scooted closer to him. "No…have you?"

"I don't think so," He glared at the picture with a baffled expression. "Must be some type of Mob symbol or new criminal…vigilante? Hmm…"

It did look familiar though. Harley had a distant memory of a skinny, tall boy who used to always draw them on his papers... But that couldn't be it…could it? "No way…" She whispered.

"What?" He asked her, looking up.

"I think I've seen these before…" Harley said. She took the photo of her door baring the green symbol and stared at it. "Yes…a kid in my class used to draw these all over his papers and he once graffitied the bathroom and hallways with all those damn question marks…and he was obsessed with these stupid riddles. However, he was very smart, but always made fun of. It hink that's what made him so strange and creepy," Harley sighed and spoke again, "Only if I could remember his name! But I _do_ remember his face; I just need my high school yearbooks to place him."

The Joker had perked up throughout her realization and asked, "Doesn't Pam have the same yearbooks? You two did go to the same school right?"

"Yes, but I don't know if she kept them. Knowing Pam, she probably did. I'll text her about it," Harley decided and pulled her phone from her front pocket. She quickly texted:

_Red, I require high school yearbooks. It's about creepy question mark guy. I LOVE YOU :D _

"Accomplished," She said as she placed her phone back into her left front pocket. She remembered what he had set his contact as and decided to ask him about it.

She would have, but he looked like he didn't necessarily want to be interrogated at the moment. Oh well.

"What's got you so moody?" She asked.

He stood up and walked to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and got out a carton of orange juice. He ignored her question and asked, "Harley, where did you go to high school?" He walked to a cabinet and retrieved a glass.

"Gotham Public," She stated simply. "Why the question?"

He nodded and didn't meet her eyes as he poured orange juice into his glass. "No reason really…just wondering."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "No, you're prodding and there's a reason. Why?" Harley demanded.

He took a sip of his drink and looked at her over the glass. He stood and she sat silently for what seemed like hours, but was merely a few minutes.

"Look, I'm not answering you because I really was just wondering," He fibbed.

She could rarely tell when he was lying. He lied to many others without flaw, but when he lied to Harley, his right eyebrow twitched twice.

She sighed and decided to move on to her next question. Besides, once he began to ignore her, she never got far.

"The name that you put into my phone…is it yours?" She asked. He licked his lips and shifted his feet. He was definitely uncomfortable with the question, but trying hard not to show it.

"What do you mean 'is it yours?'?" He grunted. He obviously didn't want to be questioned about it, but she pressed on.

"I _mean _is it your real name?" She posed again, standing from the couch and sauntering into the kitchen to meet him.

"Maybe, maybe not," He stated. He glanced at her before taking another sip of the orange liquid.

Fine. If he was going to be aloof about it then she would decide that it was. His body language proved her decision to be correct.

"Why would you put it in there if you're obviously uncomfortable about it?" She asked him.

He glanced at her then back to the contents of his glass. "I thought you should know," He said simply as he placed his glass on the counter. He leaned on the counter behind him and slipped his hands into the pocket of his faded jeans. "I didn't think it was such a big deal." He was looking at her now and he shrugged.

She grinned and stepped closer to his leaning form. "You didn't tell anyone else," She taunted. She placed her hands onto the counter and leaned over him, still grinning. "Why me?"

He didn't answer her; just stared with that same blank expression

"Are you uncomfortable with your name?" She asked. She leaned closer to his face now and brushed his nose with hers.

"No," He lied.

"What does the N stand for?" Harley questioned. She brushed her face against his cheek as she leaned down to kiss his neck.

She heard his intake of breath that he was trying so hard to keep quiet. "None of your business," He murmured.

She brought her face level to his again and smiled. "Can I call you Jack?" She bit her lip and saw his face change. His poker face had changed to a frown.

"Absolutely not," He whispered.

Their noses were touching, and she saw hurt shine in his brown eyes for a split second before he kissed her quickly on the lips. He brushed past her and headed for the stairs leading to his bedroom.

She watched him as he climbed them and she wondered what caused him to hate his name so much.


	12. Chapter 12

When she entered his bedroom she heard water running.

She sighed.

Oh well, she'd talk to him anyways. _Always trying to avoid…_

She found the bathroom, and continued in. She could see his silhouette behind the shower door. Harley smirked. _The Joker in the nude…How vulnerable._

Her eyes then viewed the contents of the tiled floor. His clothing was strewn here and there on the linoleum and he had placed a towel on the sink.

She plopped down on the toilet seat, her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands.

Who knew _one_ man could be _so_ difficult?

She massaged her temples.

Maybe she shouldn't bring up the name because it would bother him. But...she just _had_ to ask! How couldn't she? She _deserved_ to know. Besides, he started it all. If he wasn't so _stupid_ maybe she wouldn't _pry_.

She really shouldn't though. The man _obviously_ had some family issues. _Big time._

Maybe she'd drop it? Harley sighed again and leaned back against the wall. She would at least apologize.

Wait. No. She shouldn't. _He_ started it! _All of it._ Hmmfp. Instead, she'd make _him_ apologize for making her concerned. Yes. That's exactly what she would do.

The water turned off.

He opened the door.

She looked up.

He stepped out.

She hugged him.

"What the fu-mmffp!" The Joker looked down at the woman invading his personal space. Her arms were around his neck and she was pressing her fully clothed body, to his sopping wet and naked one. _She's got to be fucking kidding._

He sighed. "What are you doing?"

"I'm sorry…" She mumbled against his chest.

"For what?" He asked, brows raised.

"For prying…" Harley muttered. Her voice vibrated his stomach, giving him a tickling sensation.

He rolled his eyes. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I just need time." He rested his arms on her lower back. "You didn't pry, you asked. I chose not to answer." He titled her head up with a forefinger. "I'm naked. Get off."

She registered the thought finally and smirked deviously, her blue orbs full of suggestion.

He pointed a finger at her and spoke in an authorative voice, "No."

Her expression dropped as he grabbed the towel on the sink and wrapped it around his waist. "Why not?" She whined.

"Because I'm-" He swallowed hard and grimaced. "-_helping_ you." He opened the door and stepped out into his bedroom. "And those who are _helping_ the helped do _not_ sleep together, capiche?" He threw a glance at her forlorn expression before opening his top drawer and removing a light purple dress shirt.

"We could make an exception?" She said; hope lacing her tone, as she sat herself on the edge of his bed. He didn't even look back, just shook his head.

She glared. "Eunuch," Harley spat as she turned away from him, arms crossed, defeated.

He smirked and let out a low chuckle. He glared playfully at her over his shoulder. "_That's_ exactly why I won't fuck you mah dear," He slipped the shirt over his head. Opening the bottom most drawer, he pulled out a pair of dark, faded jeans and slipped himself into them.

Harley turned back to him as she heard the familiar zipping noise of his jeans. "You didn't put on boxers," She stated.

"And?" The Joker asked, his eyebrows raised and his mouth downturned into an expression as if to say _so_?

"Do you always do that? Go…'commando'?" She asked, eyes wide.

"It's more comfortable that way," The Joker shrugged. He hadn't buttoned his shirt yet. "So you _were _watching me, hmm? Creepy as hell…" He shook his head and sighed, walking back into the bathroom.

"Oh, and you're not?" She shouted at him, arms airborne.

"Never said I wasn't, love. But _at least_ I don't stare _you_ down as you dress or hug _you_ when you're naked or kiss _you_ randomly or watch _you_-" Harley decided to cut him off when he began to count of her creepiness on his fingers.

"Alright! Shut up already," She yelled, throwing herself back onto his bed, arms spread eagle. He smirked. "And wipe that stupid smirk off your face! I can still see you, yah know!"

"My point exactly! You are currently _creeping_," He stated as he began to shave his stubble. She gave up with a _huff._

It was quiet then, besides the low _hum_ of the Joker's razor.

He still hadn't buttoned that god damn shirt. She could see his tan chest, still wet from his shower. The bastard. He was _teasing_ her. She glared at the ceiling.

The _hum_ of his razor stopped and she heard the opening of the drawer below the sink as he put the tool away. He wiped his face with a towel before leaving the bathroom. He stared at her.

She looked up at him, one eyebrow raised in question.

"What now?" He asked jokingly, placing the towel in a basket next to his dresser. He grabbed a belt off the back of his closet door and looped it around him.

"I've been thinking…" She started. She got up from his bed and sauntered towards him, hips swaying. (He couldn't help but notice) Her lips spread into a wry smirk.

"How dangerous…" He teased, his own smirk playing on his scarred mouth.

She ignored his insult and began to button his shirt. Once her task was completed, she pulled him roughly towards her, still gripped the front of his clothing.

"What if…we didn't classify me as the _helped_ but more like…the assisted? Because then you wouldn't be helping me and there would be no 'helping' connection and then you could fuck me all you wanted?" She glanced up at him suggestively; hope glistening once again in her azure eyes.

He gripped her wrists, chuckled, took a deep breath, and replied, "No." He pulled her off him and walked out his bedroom door.

She stood there stunned for a moment before following him down the rickety staircase. "Ah, c'mon!"

"No, Harley. It's the exact same thing. If I sleep with you, there will be a connection; the connection of _me_ and _you __**wrestling**_. And that will _not_ be happening."

They met the ending of the staircase and he plopped himself down onto the couch, crossing his feet on the clear coffee table in front of him.

Harley stomped her foot. "Why not?"

He rolled his eyes. "I told you, we're _working_ together. And by fucking you, I'd have to _like_ you, and then I'd have to _trust_ you, and then you'd _like_ me, and we'd develop _feelings._ I don't have those kinds of _feelings_ nor do I want to develop them." He turned around to glare at her over the back of the couch. She stood there; arms crossed meeting his glare with one of her own. "I don't believe in _trust_ or _love _or _feelings._ I don't do well with relationships, _sweetheart._" He seethed his last sentence, trying to get her to see his point.

She said something he didn't expect. "Neither do I," Harley spat, her eyes hard.

He nodded at her. "Good," The Joker finished, turning around and turning on the television.

She walked around the couch and sat down next to him. She watched him as he squinted at the news in disbelief, shook his head and chuckled, and scribbled his thoughts on a pad of paper. He felt her eyes on him. _Not this again._

He stopped what he was doing. He let out a breath, placed his pen and pad of paper on the table in front of him, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What Harley?"

"Can I call you Jack?"

"Didn't we already discuss this?" He said, exasperated and placed his head in his hands, running his palm down the front of his face.

"So no then?" She tried.

He glared at her. "Please, nuisance, let me work." He raised his eyebrows at her before turning back to the television, huffing and rewinding what he missed.

She leaned back into the couch and crossed her arms. "Well can I at least call you something fun?"

"Like what?" He mumbled, playing the news and picking up where he left off.

"Like….Chicken Man!"

"Chicken…what?" He shook his head, scarred mouth open in amusement. "Where do you come up with these?"

"Hmm…no not that one…to…._stupid_. How about…Don Waffle? Or…Mark?"

"Oh yes Mark, real threatening. And 'Don Waffle' isn't even a _name._" He glanced at her over his shoulder, her head pressed into the couch, and eyes toward the ceiling. Her mouth currently blowing a bubble. "How 'bout something with a little more 'pizzazz' , tiger?" He gave her a sloppy grin as she looked at him, eyes bright.

"How 'bout Mr. J?" She smirked, eyebrows upward.

"Perfect," He said. He leaned back into the couch himself, propping his feet up. "Now, quiet _you_."

She scooted closer to him and laid her blonde head on his shoulder. He tensed and glared down at her.

"Oh stop it. I didn't ask you to marry me. It's just my head on your shoulder, calm down, Mary Sue." She said, mirth lacing her voice. He felt her warm breath on his neck, a sensation that sent a rush of blood to his groin. _God fucking dammit._

"I'm just being careful. Knowing you, my pants could be off at any moment."

He felt her foot connect with his knee.

"And _no_ kicking!"

She giggled.

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Fin._

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN: **_Hello! Yeah, yeah, I know haven't updated since April, but with the end of school and The Legend of Korra being so awesome, I haven't had the motivation. But it's back! I hope to have another chapter soon. ^-^

_**Please Read!:**_ Any Zutara fans out there, have any of you read a fic between Zuko and Katara where Zuko is the blue spirit, and he saves Katara and then they have sexual intercourse because she doesn't know who he is, but then she finds out while they're doing it because she takes off his mask…and Oh God. Does any of this _lovely summary_ ring a bell? Blutara/Zutara? Smutty One or Twoshot? I've tried to find it, but to no avail. :[ Help me! I have **no** idea what the title is. v.v

If any of that rang a bell, PM me or leave it in your review! :D


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